


Blessed be

by ThusSpokeRaven



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Gen, Hell, Humor, One Shot, Post-Apocalypse, Religious Humor, Saving Madison's soul from hell, Wiccan Rede, Wiccans, Witches, retail hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThusSpokeRaven/pseuds/ThusSpokeRaven
Summary: Friends don't let friends fold towels.





	Blessed be

* * *

* * *

 

 

Mallory looked at Zoe who was peeking at her watch.  “She’ll be here. She’s on LA time but she’ll be here.”  The two witches were leaning on a stone lion outside a lecture hall.  Mallory closed up her eyes and soaked in the sun on her face. 

 

Zoe leaned over putting her hands on her knees, her heavy fall of hair curtaining her like silk.  “I don’t know about this.” She took a shaky breath.

 

The other witch laughed and patted her back.  “We are doing this for her. This is what friends do for their asshole friends who keep dying.  It’ll be fine.”

 

“Hey bitches!” Madison called out as she came up the walk.  She was a little confused as to why her friends wanted her to come to the university during daylight hours but maybe a little time actually being able to see the beefcake frat rats would be a positive.  She spun watching one guy’s ass as he walked. Madison hummed and smiled before turning back.

 

Zoe pushed the hair back from her face.  “Intervention for the unholy Madison, take one.  Action.” she muttered. “Hey Madison. We better hurry.”  She opened the door for her friends who headed up a flight of stairs at the end of a hall.  The door read ‘Authorized personnel only.’

 

Madison’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the three camping chairs and cooler sitting in front of a set of windows looking out onto a small auditorium.  People were straggling in below and finding seats here and there. She turned to the others. “What the hell?”

 

Mallory took Madison’s elbow and guided her to the first chair.  “Have a seat. We’re here trying to help you.”

 

“Help me?”  Madison looked around.  “Oh god this is one of those intervention things where you write fucked up whine notes and share cookies.  Oh fuck this.”

 

Zoe shook her head.  “Kind of an intervention but no whine notes.  Wine coolers yes but not notes.” She sat down.  “I like you Madison as seriously damaged as that sounds and we don’t want you to end up folding towels for eternity so we came up with a plan to maybe help make it less horrible.”

 

“I really did hate retail hell.  I didn’t even get the opportunity to expand my ass on vending machine food and couldn’t even look forward to a nice restful coronary at 39.”  She looked suspiciously at the two others and sat.

 

Mallory smiled.  “We talked about it and while you being such a self centered bitch makes it hard to avoid hell, we may have an idea about making it less...hellish.”

 

“I was thinking and if you were to embrace a…hmmmm religious structure?”  She looked at Mallory who shook her head at Zoe’s awkward way of stating things.  

 

Madison looked from one to another.  “What like go Hare Krishna or Christian Scientist?  Those fuckers look like the fun got drained out of their asses.”

 

Mallory chuckled.  “We were thinking something which is slightly closer to where you are as a human being.  Today there is going to be a reading and discussion about something called the Rede. Just listen to it and nobody will push or anything… It’s just something to think about.  It is your retail hell after all.”

 

The former actress went into the cooler and grabbed a drink.  “Why are we in the booth?”

 

Zoe snorted.  “I watched a movie with you.  I would never put you in the same room with these people.”  She stood and moved to the window hitting a switch. A low hum of voices could be heard through the speaker.  “Now you can hear them and bitch and moan freely because they can’t hear you.”

 

A woman in chunky silver and free flowing gypsy wear wafted onto the stage.  She smiled as the crowd slowly went silent. “Merry meet, I am Candace Purple Sky.”

 

“Oh fuck me,”moaned Madison.

 

The speaker nodded a greeting and began as she stroked her huge silver moon necklace.  “We have all heard about the witches coming out. They talk about their powers and gifts and that is so empowering.  It is truly a wonderful thing for them to come out of the shadows but I noticed something about them. They are just about powers.  They have forgotten that power by itself is corrupting. They have forgotten that without a guiding principle to take them through life, they will wander further and further from the place where they can make the world and themselves better.  Today I will read a Celtic version of the Wiccan Rede and we will talk about how it guides us to a better relationship with….” she held her arms wide “everything.”

 

Madison shuddered and opened a second bottle of alcohol.  “So going to get you for this.”

 

Mallory covered her mouth, the occasional shudder of her shoulders the only sign of her amusement at Madison’s obvious disgust.

 

Candace took a deep breath and began;

“Bide within the Law you must, in perfect Love and perfect Trust.

Live you must and let to live, fairly take and fairly give. 

 

For tread the Circle thrice about to keep unwelcome spirits out.

To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme. “

 

“The fuck?” Madison yowled. Zoe’s fingers twisted in each other.  She was sure she would be telekinetically splatted any second.

 

“Light of eye and soft of touch, “ Candace continued, “speak you little, listen much.

Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,

let love and light be our guides again. 

 

Deosil go by the waxing moon, chanting out the joyful tune.

Widdershins go when the moon doth wane,

and the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane. 

 

“Deosil?” Madison mouthed.

 

Mallory chuckled.  “Clockwise.”

 

When the Lady's moon is new, kiss the hand to Her times two.

When the moon rides at Her peak then your heart's desire seek. 

 

Heed the North winds mighty gale, lock the door and trim the sail.

When the Wind blows from the East, expect the new and set the feast. 

 

When the wind comes from the South, love will kiss you on the mouth.

When the wind whispers from the West, all hearts will find peace and rest. “

 

“When the wind whispers from the ass, cover nose and light the match.” Madison crowed.

 

Nine woods in the Cauldron go, burn them fast and burn them slow.

Birch in the fire goes to represent what the Lady knows. 

 

Oak in the forest towers with might, in the fire it brings the God's

insight.   Rowan is a tree of power causing life and magick to flower. 

 

Willows at the waterside stand ready to help us to the Summerland.

Hawthorn is burned to purify and to draw faerie to your eye. 

 

Hazel-the tree of wisdom and learning adds its strength to the bright fire burning.

White are the flowers of Apple tree that brings us fruits of fertility. 

 

Grapes grow upon the vine giving us both joy and wine.

Fir does mark the evergreen to represent immortality seen. 

 

Elder is the Lady's tree burn it not or cursed you'll be.

Four times the Major Sabbats mark in the light and in the dark.”

 

“And what is this-  Knotty pine?,” Madison muttered as she tapped the small equipment cupboard nearby trying to distract herself.

 

“As the old year starts to wane the new begins, it's now Samhain.

When the time for Imbolc shows watch for flowers through the snows. 

 

When the wheel begins to turn soon the Beltane fires will burn.

As the wheel turns to Lamas night power is brought to magick rite. “

 

Madison looked from one sister witch to the other.  “You’re killing me. You know that.”

 

“Four times the Minor Sabbats fall use the Sun to mark them all.

When the wheel has turned to Yule light the log the Horned One rules. 

 

In the spring, when night equals day time for Ostara to come our way.

When the Sun has reached it's height time for Oak and Holly to fight. 

 

Harvesting comes to one and all when the Autumn Equinox does fall.

Heed the flower, bush, and tree by the Lady blessed you'll be. 

 

Where the rippling waters go cast a stone, the truth you'll know.

When you have and hold a need, harken not to others greed. 

 

With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend.

Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart. 

 

Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good.

When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow. 

 

Be true in love this you must do unless your love is false to you. 

 

These Eight words the Rede fulfill: 

 

"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will"

 

After all, what good are psychic gifts like telekinesis without guidance?”  Candace concluded below.

 

“It’s great if you share a cock with your pal and it just don’t get to the right spot to scratch that itch,” Madison summed up.  Mallory tapped her temple trying to clear that image.

 

Zoe shook her head.  “So Wicca is not working for you?”  

 

“I’m thinking more Crowley, do what thou wilt is the whole of the law.”

 

“Well, you won’t be in a mid range department store folding towels for eternity,” judged Mallory.

 

Madison looked at her with surprise.  “Really?”

 

“Nope.  It’ll be the fluorescent lights and thin ass industrial carpet in a dollar store and you will be stocking foam curlers and getting snotted on by little kids playing in the aisle.” Mallory said with a cheerful smile as she sipped her own drink.

 

Madison stared at her for a long, long moment before sucking down another bottle.  “I look good in silver. Fucking sign me up for fucking hippy witchy shit. Fuck yeah.”


End file.
